#why is posting fic in a new fandom always so nerve wracking

[hanafubukki]

Hi, there! Hana

I was checking out your Tumblr and when I looked at the archive, I realized you've been on Tumblr for almost 10 years (and i was me thinking feel my account old when it was only 4 years old, xD). Would you say your experience on Tumblr has improved? Or somenthing to think and reflex about given so many changes on your blog I was curious. :0

Hi Miriam 💞🫂🌺

I honestly thought my blog was older than that 😂😂💞💞

I just realized this means it’ll be ten years for me next year on tumblr and my 5th anniversary when I started writing. I’ve been writing about half my time here. That’s so wild?? And astonishing to me?? Time really zoomed but it’s been so much fun, no wonder I didn’t notice. 💞💞🌺🌺

My experience on tumblr has change vastly, especially within the last 6 years or so. When I first joined, it was more for the book side of tumblr.

I really didn’t know how tumblr worked back then but I wanted to follow my favorite author of the time, Vivian Vande Velde because I was obsessed with her Dragon’s Bait book. (I should reread it; this just gave me a nostalgia hit lol)

From there I found some of my other fave authors like Shannon Hale (goose girl was my fave) and Allison Croggon (pellinor series my beloved).

But at one point? I grew bored. The book side of tumblr wasn’t really active and since I didn’t know how tags and posts worked I left my account to be dead for a bit.

And then I got into Miraculous Ladybug a few years later and, oh boy, it was something else to be in an active fandom. Back then, I only focused on reading in ao3 and fanfic.net but many creators mentioned mlb on tumblr so I checked it out. 🥰🥰💞💞

And it was an explosion of content and people, I loved my time there no matter the cause that eventually made me leave. I still do like the fandom but am not as hyper focused as before. At the time, I was a heavy reblogger and commentor. It was my peace and escape because school was a special type of hell. 🙏💞💞

By the time I left that fandom, I got into twst. It was different at the time. Active and small for the time but still bigger than any game fandoms I’ve been in before. (Besides kh of course)

Initially, I only reblogged and commented as usual and got to know familiar creators that are active still and some which are gone. Through this time I met some precious friends and eventually, I posted my first fic since….I want to say about over a decade since my first fanfic ever?

It was a nerve wracking experience to say the least. But much like now, the ideas would not be denied and I thought why not? Let me post it. During that time, there was rarely any diasomnia stories and as a Lilia lover, I wanted to contribute to the community. 💞☺️

I started writing more as both a hobby and a distraction from school lolol and then I started learning more about tumblr.

I learned how to make a masterlist, edit banners for them, input hyperlinks, where to find dividers, made a pinned post, learn to properly tag, etc.🧐🧐

All of this I learned because of my time in the twst fandom. Then I got my first ask, and I still remember the Anonie who sent it, and I was excited!! 💞💞🥰💞

Interacting with people was fun! Usually I interacted in the comments but omg?? People were coming to me to chat in my inbox?? It was so much fun being in the community and talking to others. It was honestly my first time being so included?? Or well, being in a community where people wanted to actively chat with me. 🥹💞

It was very different from my younger years in fandom. But of course, I also learned about how new fandom acts nowadays compared to old fandom and I learned about discourse (not debate), bullying, etc. It was astonishing?? Because my time in fandom has always been inclusive no matter what you liked or didn’t like. There was respect for everyone. So I learned how to block and filter and I learned new terms fandoms use nowadays too.

All this I learned as I became more active in more fandoms and the changes brought by pandemic to the fandom atmosphere.

I went from a small silent corner of the internet to a more active corner with people who want to talk to me and read my thoughts/fic and check in on me. It’s still a me corner but it’s not so lonely anymore.

It still surprises me that I get asks, comments, and tags. That people, while I’m not as active (well writing wise because wow I was writing fics and answering asks so quickly I’m still astonished how I did it; hey body? Mind? Can we go back to that??) as I used to be in say 2023, still want to talk to me?? Interact?? It really makes me happy ☺️💞💞

I still get surprised and astonished that people remember me and my works. That I have fans who love my works back then and even now. I get shy but happy to hear I’ve been able to contribute to the fandom experience in any way. ABSJSJS you can’t see it but the way I kick my feet and get shy, half the time I don’t know how to reply to compliments 😭🙏💞 even now I still don’t but I try my best.

All of this started with one Lilia fanfic? That I took the courage to post??

I’ve been called Lilia’s wife, his bride, someone said I was the head of the general Lilia club, I remember another that mentioned creator of all Lilia works, I’ve also been called nice and kind, people have said they have notifs on for me, I’ve got art and fanfic created for me, etc

ABSJSSJWJS and it makes me happy?? But also?? How do I respond?? How do I show my joy?? That’s part of why I started spamming emojis because…if you know me or been here for a while, I speak formally a lot and write it as well. That is one way for me to express myself and my joy. I also use memes and puns alot too. To try and express at least a sliver of these emotions.🥰🥰💞💞💚💚

Throughout these years? Especially the last 3-4, I have met so many nice people and friends I cherish greatly. I don’t always express it well, but each and every person has left a mark on me.

Has my experience on tumblr improved?

Tremendously. I won’t deny there hasn’t been down sides on my years here. That there hasn’t be aches and pains, but that’s life and time moves on. We learn and we make new experiences and continue to thrive and have fun.

Here, on tumblr, I’ve been able to meet all kinds of people from all over the world and in all different timezones. Something that would not be possible anywhere else. Something that’s not easy irl. People who are mature and calm (compared to other platforms) and understanding. I’ve met people that I cherish greatly everyday and am greatful to have in my life.

Meeting people that understand me and have same hobbies as me. And to experience that in a community? No matter how small or how long the interaction. It’s really fun and wholesome. It’s what makes us human and something that nothing could replace. I’m grateful to be a part of it however I can be. ☺️☺️🌷🌷

…omg why does this sound like a semi-autobiography?? 😂😂 I didn’t expect to write this much ahajsjsjdn 😆😆💞💞 I’m going to shut up now lolol

Sorry for the essay and thank you for the question Miriam, it’s was nice reflecting on the years here.

[based--ball]

8 20 27 for the ask game :)

hi paca!!! here are some very long answers because i am too sleepy to be concise(ask game here)

8. What project(s) are you currently working on?

oh god there are too many. the ones where i actually have writing on a page rather than 3 bullet points and a series of visions are (italics are the ones i would say i'm working on the most actively, but all are actually in progress fr):

the romansen tour fic (my baby that i love and that i have been writing off and on for like 8 months and somehow it is still only like 3.5k words lol)

kevin/chris sequel (to what i am calling my communication fic TM but that most people would probably call gross porn they did not click on (this is a neutral fact rather than a problem i promise))

davis/ernie getting together + repercussions fic (for team lift, i am finally getting somewhere with it as of literally today and i am so excited)

a very contrived porny davis debut fic (i have like 4 sentences and then a wild rant i pinned in the jays server but that counts as in progress i think)

george springer gender crisis

a non-fic companion work for bizarre love triangle series

20. What’s a favorite title for a fic you’ve written?

absolutely 5 Times the Blue Jays were Blue Gays: Number 1 Will Shock You! because its just very funny and it always makes me smile. im really funny sometimes i think

27. Is there a fic you were nervous to post/share? Why?

absolutely. many. i will discuss.

first few fics -> new to the whole writing thing etc

Honey, everything we need (is on the other side of this feeling) -> first actual real attempt at porn and i did not know how to make that happen and i did anyway but it was a little nerve-wracking

I’ll do it for you, baby, we’ll do it -> ok sure i will publicly acknowledge writing this. so this is the communication fic TM as mentioned above and it was scary due to subject matter (i gave my favourite mid-30s pitcher a piss kink. and a mid-30s pitcher boyfriend who is confused but considerate) and being porn that i was even less sure about how to write and being wildly out of the ordinary for me. i posted it on anon so that nobody i know would see it and literally took it off anon about a week ago cause i decided whatever!!! who cares!!! also literally who else would ever write that. small fandom issues. scary.

there’s a wild thing in the woolshed and it’s keeping me awake at night -> not my team, not sure about characterization at all, there exist very few trans fics in baseball so I Had To Get It Right, and also i finished it early in the event i posted it for so i had to sit and wait patiently for like 2 weeks for anyone to see it and say anything so that was a bit of a nervous build up situation

[at-thestillpoint]

fic writers asks: 10, 12, 27

[ask me things!]

10. Is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

To some extent, all of them! I never really know how something is going to land, and it's always interesting to see what resonates with folks, because it's pretty much never what I think it will be. Mostly, I'm just consistently surprised that people like my writing? On the whole, the feedback I've gotten on all my TG:M fics has been even more enthusiastic and encouraging than I expected, which is why I haven't given it up yet! We can psychoanalyze that too.

12. Do you have a playlist for your current WIP(s)? Share it!

I don't typically have playlists, so much as the one song that inspired the fic that I then play on repeat until it fades into the background and I no longer hear the lyrics.

For the Olympics AU, it's Cruel Summer. For the Sally Jackson fic I'm chipping away at, it's Horses (because it's fitting and also I think I'm funny). I also recently started working on something else for Phoenix/Hangman because of Maggie Rogers's new single, Don't Forget Me ("take my money, wreck my Sundays" is a lance straight to my heart).

The other FWB fic is the exception to this rule. It's a short playlist, but I shared it here previously. I also used this playlist during the writing of the first FWB fic, which was fueled by Electric Touch.

(I'm really not as big of a Swiftie as this answer would imply.)

27. Is there a fic you were nervous to post/share? Why?

Most recently, I was nervous to post i dreamed you a sin and a lie. It's my first foray into Percy Jackson-land, and it's always nerve-wracking to jump into a brand new fandom, especially such a long-standing one.

Overall though, it was texas man, because that was my first time publishing smut and there's something deeply vulnerable about that.

[lailuhhh]

21. Have you ever deleted an entire scene after spending hours laboring over it? If so, why?

22. Do you know how your fic will end before you start writing?

27. Is there a fic you were nervous to post/share? Why?

21. Does it count if I throw it in the forever wip pile?? Because yeah. There’s been so many that just don’t flow properly or don’t feel right for how I’m trying to portray it. I don’t think I’ve ever truly straight up deleted anything though because I’m a hoarder I might turn it around into something I wanna use at a later point

22. Recently yeah. Been on a binge of writing the last scene, or at least close to last scene first so it’s easier to lead up to it and eventually end it

27. Baby’s first Macgyver fic of course. I mean getting into a new fandom with no real connection to any other people is always scary and nerve wracking because omg what if I misunderstood the assignment and everyone makes fun of me??

[nottheheadshaker]

I asked @coffeefordage for some nielan prompts and got several good ones. Here's a modern AU drunk (but not clingy, sorry) Lan Xichen meeting Nie Mingjue for the first time, with background wangxian. Is this a meet-cute? A meet-drunk? idk. Enjoy.

This is my first Untamed fic. Only time will tell if this is a good idea. (Also on AO3)

Nie Mingjue took a sip of his drink, wincing as his eardrums were assaulted by noise that some people (Huaisang) considered to be music. He didn’t want to be here, and he was pretty sure Huaisang didn’t really want him to be here either, despite all of his wide-eyed pleas for Mingjue to accompany him. How else could Mingjue explain his little brother’s disappearance as soon as they walked through the door of the club? If this was how Huaisang wanted to spend time with him, Mingjue could be doing it from home. His ears would certainly be happier for it.

He lifted his glass again, preparing to down the rest of his drink so he could leave.

“Hi,” a cheerful and somewhat breathless voice said from behind him.

Mingjue turned, a polite greeting-slash-brush off on his lips, only to have the breath knocked right out of him at the sight of the most beautiful man he had ever seen. He was smiling at Mingjue as if Mingjue was the source of all of the world’s joy. The stranger was tall and elegant, a delicate pink flush spreading along his perfect cheekbones. He was wearing a pale blue and white outfit that looked like it came out of one of Hauisang’s magazines. Not exactly a clubbing outfit, based on Huaisang’s strong - and often-shared - opinions about fashion. The man was stunning in it (and out of it, I bet, Mingjue’s brain whispered), so Huaisang would probably forgive the transgression.

“Oh,” the beautiful stranger said, “you’re even more handsome up close! Wait here, please.”

Before Mingjue could remember how to form words, the man disappeared back into the crowd. Mingjue looked down at his drink. He still had just about half of it left, so he probably wasn’t experiencing an alcohol-induced delusion. Mingjue was still puzzling over the encounter when the man returned.

“Hi,” he said again, his smile just as bright. He was looking expectantly at Mingjue.

Mingjue blinked. “Hi,” he managed to say. His throat felt incredibly dry. He took a large gulp of his drink.The burn of the alcohol did nothing to help his composure.

"What's your name? It wouldn't be polite for me to call you Handsome Stranger." The man's smile was so blinding, it took Mingjue a minute to understand what he'd just said.

He couldn’t let this opportunity pass. He gave the man a once-over to buy himself a little more recovery time - a mistake that only made it harder to think - then said gruffly, “I’m Nie Mingue.”

“My name is Lan Xichen, but you can call me yours.”

Mingjue downed the rest of his drink. What the fuck? The most beautiful man in the world was using a pick-up line? On him? How was he supposed to respond to that? Say something, he told himself, even if it’s stupid. “I’ll be sure to remember that.”

Impossibly, Lan Xichen’s smile got bigger. He looked over Mingjue’s shoulder and raised his hand in a thumbs-up gesture. Mingjue followed his gaze and found a pair of men watching them from a nearby table. One of them was beaming at them, returning Lan Xichen’s thumbs-up enthusiastically. The other man looked almost exactly like Lan Xichen, minus the bright smile. Was he glaring at Mingjue, or was that just his face?

“My brother and his boyfriend,” Lan Xichen said, drawing Mingjue’s attention back to him. “A-Xian has so many pick-up lines, so he gave me one for you!”

He was barely keeping up with what was happening, but he tried for an intelligent response. “That was nice of him.”

“Yes,” Lan Xichen nodded happily. “He was sad he doesn't get to use them anymore. He said I should get to have some fun with them, at least.”

A quick glance back at the other men showed one of them - the one he assumed was Lan Xichen’s brother - pulling the other up out of his seat. They wrapped their arms around each other and started swaying to music only they could hear. They certainly weren’t dancing to the music that was actually playing. Huaisang was standing nearby. He quickly fled when he noticed Mingjue looking at him. Mingjue’s eyes narrowed. What was Huaisang up to?

“Oh, Huaisang left again,” Lan Xichen said, sounding disappointed. “I have to thank him. He asked me to get him another drink, and that meant I could get a better look at you.” His eyes widened. “I forgot Huaisang’s drink!”

“I don’t think Huaisang will mind. I’m sure he’s had more than enough,” Mingjue said quickly. He had an idea what Huaisang was up to now, but he couldn’t bring himself to care this time. “How do you know him?”

“He’s A-Xian’s friend.” Lan Xichen’s brow furrowed in thought. “Or possibly a friend of a friend? I just met him last week, in this very club. It’s nice here! A bit loud though. So many people.” Lan Xichen looked around, taking in the dancing bodies that surrounded them. “Do you know Huaisang? Is he your boyfriend?” Lan Xichen’s smile dimmed, fading into a politely fake copy. Mingjue didn’t like it.

“He’s my brother.” He thought Lan Xichen might be a little drunk.

“That’s wonderful!” His true smile returning, Lan Xichen sat down on the stool next to him and leaned toward him. “Do you have a boyfriend? A girlfriend?”

“Neither.” Although if Lan Xichen was still interesting - and interested - when he was sober, Mingjue was willing to change that.

Lan Xichen pulled his phone out of his pocket. “We should exchange numbers!” He poked and swiped at the screen a few times before finally exclaiming, “Got it! Here.” He thrust the phone at Mingjue.

This probably wasn’t how things like this were supposed to go - who handed their phone to a complete stranger? - but Mingjue was done questioning anything Lan Xichen said or did tonight. He sent a text to himself and then saved his number in Lan Xichen’s contact list as ‘Nie Mingjue - Single’.

As soon as Lan Xichen took his phone back, he took a picture of himself with the same bright smile that had short-circuited Mingjue’s brain earlier. “So you don’t forget who I am,” Lan Xichen said as he tapped away on his phone. Mingjue’s own phone buzzed with a notification.

“No danger of that,” he said, but he was quick to take out his phone and save Lan Xichen’s number in his contacts.

“Now you send one to me!”

Mingjue did not like having his picture taken and he really did not like taking selfies, but he didn’t hesitate to do as Lan Xichen asked. He tried to remember everything Huaisang always insisted on explaining about taking selfies, getting a good angle and adequate lighting. He even managed a natural-looking smile.

Lan Xichen gasped softly at him, then again after he received the picture of Mingjue. “So handsome! I love your dimples!” He gazed at the picture a little longer, then tucked his phone away and hopped off the barstool. “We should dance!”

Before Mingjue could decide if his dislike of club dancing was strong enough to withstand Lan Xichen’s radiance - he was beginning to suspect he could deny this man nothing - they were interrupted.

“Xichen-ge.” It was the brother’s boyfriend, the one with the unused pick-up lines. “Lan Zhan needs to go home."

“Time to sleep.” The brother - Lan Zhan, apparently - did look sleepy, his eyes almost half-closed. He tugged at his boyfriend’s arm and tried to pull him away, swaying a bit as he did.

“Didi!” Lan Xichen swept his brother up into an enthusiastic hug.

Lan Zhan submitted to the embrace, laying his head on Lan Xichen’s shoulder and closing his eyes. “Wei Ying too,” he said.

“A-Xian!” Lan Xichen pulled his brother’s boyfriend into the hug. The boyfriend went along with it, shrugging when he caught Mingjue’s eye. He wrapped his arms around both brothers.

“Time for all good Lans to go home and go to bed,” the boyfriend - Wei Ying? A-Xian? - said.

“Do we have to go?” Was Lan Xichen… pouting?

“What about your uncle? He’ll blame me for corrupting your morals!” Wei Ying pouted right back at Lan Xichen. Nie Mingjue had to look away before he started laughing at their antics.

“No.” Lan Zhan jerked upright from his doze on Lan Xichen’s shoulder and grabbed Wei Ying’s hand. “I will protect you.”

“Very well,” Lan Xichen said, a hint of a pout still on his face. “We’ll go now. We won’t give shufu any more reason to be mad at you.” He turned the two young men around and began herding them away. Mingjue tried not to let Lan Xichen’s abrupt departure bother him. Not even a goodbye?

“The door is this way, Xichen-ge,” Wei Ying said, steering the unsteady trio in the right direction.

As they drifted past him once more, Lan Xichen noticed him and pulled them all to a halt. “Nie Mingjue!” he cried, as if seeing him again after a long period of time. That damn smile was back. “I’m sorry, I have to go. Maybe we can dance next time?” Mingjue nodded dumbly. “I’ll text you! Or you can text me! Okay?”

Mingjue nodded again. The whole evening had taken on a surreal feel and he was starting to doubt the whole thing had happened, even as it was still happening.

“I’ll remind him,” Wei Ying said, giving them a wide smile. Lan Zhan glared and stalked away, pulling Wei Ying along with him. “Bye!” Wei Ying called over his shoulder.

“Goodbye, Nie Mingjue! It was nice to meet you!” Lan Xichen reached out and touched his hand briefly, then hurried away after his two companions.

Mingjue flexed his hand. The spot where Lan Xichen had touched him tingled like they were in some sappy romance. Hauisang could never learn of this.

As if summoned by the thought, Huaisang appeared at his side.

“Wei Wuxian was right, those Lans cannot hold their liquor. I think they had less than half a glass of beer between the two of them.” Hauisang tapped his chin with his fan.

“Wei Wuxian?”

“My new bestie. He was just here - the one wearing black.” Huaisang smiled brightly. “He’s fun.”

Wei Ying - Wei Wuxian, that explained why Lan Xichen called him A-Xian - had been wearing black, while Lan Zhan wore clothing similar to his brother. “I see. We weren’t properly introduced.”

“Wei Wuxian isn’t a proper introduction sort of person, he won’t care. Now Lan Xichen.” Huaisang went back to tapping his chin. “Lan Xichen is definitely a proper introduction sort of person, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yes.” His brother was definitely up to something. “He did properly introduce himself, which is why I even know who you are talking about right now.”

“He really is a delicious looking man, isn’t he? And he’s so nice. Definitely boyfriend material.”

Mingjue didn’t answer. Was Huaisang interested in Lan Xichen? Lan Xichen had just been hitting on Mingjue. He should tell Huaisang, let him down gently before he got invested, but that still very firmly put Lan Xichen out of Mingjue’s reach. Bro code or whatever, there was no way Mingjue would hurt Huaisang like that. Maybe in a few years, after Huaisang had moved on? Who was he kidding, there was no way someone like Lan Xichen would stay single that long.

Huaisang smacked him on the arm with his fan. “Silly da-ge, for you, not me! He’s not my type.”

Since Huaisang said that about every person ever, Mingjue wasn’t sure what his brother’s type was. Did he even have a type? Would he tell Mingjue if he did? He wished Huaisang didn’t feel like he had to protect Mingjue from whatever it was he thought he was protecting him from. Who was the big brother around here?

...wait.

“For me?”

“Why do you think I sent him over here?”

Mingjue did not know how to feel about that. Grateful for the roundabout introduction? Irritated at the meddling? Overwhelming love for his sneaky little brother? “I can manage my own affairs,” he finally grumbled.

“Of course you can,” Huaisang said with a soothing pat on his shoulder. “Buy me a drink, da-ge. Lan Xichen never brought the one I asked for.”

“You’ve had enough.”

“But da-geeeee-”

Mingjue ignored his brother’s whining - he had a lot of practice at it. Even Huaisang draping himself over his back and complaining directly in his ear could not change his mind. If Huaisang really wanted a drink, he could get his own.

His phone chimed a text notification at him. Lan Xichen was already texting him.

Our Lyft driver has such a nice car!!!

The text was accompanied by a slightly out of focus picture of a smiling Lan Xichen sitting in the back seat of a vehicle, with the top of his brother's head just visible on his shoulder. Very little of the car was showing.

Mingjue didn't bother to respond, but he couldn't help the fond smile that crossed his face. If this was Lan Xichen drunk, he couldn't wait to see what he was like sober. He was about to put his phone away when Huaisang grabbed it out of his hand.

"What's this?" Huaisang opened up the text app and stared at his most recent text. "You set his contact name as 'Yours'? Da-ge!"

Mingjue took his phone back and put it in his pocket. "What? He said I could."

[makeste]

This is probably a different question from what you usually get so feel free to ignore it, but you seem like a reasonable and chill person. I recently published my first fic and I'm crippled with cringe every time I open AO3. Not because I think it's bad, but I just don't want to see the response to it, even if it's positive. Is it mean of me not to read the comments? I don't typically interact in fandom spaces, but I feel like I should now that I'm a content creator. I always see people being excited about comments, feedback etc. but I get too much secondhand embarrassment from them, because fandom is such a private and personal thing to me. Am I just weird?!!!

hey there! yeah this is definitely a break from the norm lol, but that's fine. just bear in mind that this is first and foremost a fandom blog and not an advice blog, and so you should probably take my opinions here with a grain of salt.

anyway, imo since this was the first fic you posted, and you presumably didn't know ahead of time how you were going to react to everything, it's fine. writing something -- and especially writing something that you care about, and that means something to you, and that you put a lot of effort into creating -- and putting it out there for the world to see is always pretty intimidating at first. it's like baring a little piece of your soul to the rest of the world. there's something very vulnerable about it no matter how hard you brace yourself, so I totally get why someone might react that way to feedback.

but that said, now that you know that you have this type of reaction to comments, I think the polite thing to do for any future works that you post is to simply turn the comments off. you can actually go back and do this for the fic you already posted too, I'm pretty sure, and it won't delete any of the comments that are already there; it will just prevent people from posting new ones (and it works whether they're logged in or not). I think this is the most courteous thing to do if you want to be considerate of your readers, and of the time and effort they might otherwise put into making a comment (which for some people can be just as nerve-wracking as posting a fic), while at the same time also being considerate of your own feelings in not wanting to read* the comments because the social aspect is causing anxiety/embarrassment right now.

*one small but important distinction here, which is that reading and responding are two very different things. I know it's good etiquette to dutifully respond to comments, but speaking as someone who only manages to reply to maybe 10% of their tumblr asks, I also know it's not always possible to respond to everyone's feedback. I do, however, read every single ask and comment that I get. I think that if all you want to do for now is read and not respond, then it's probably okay to leave the comments on, since commentators should already be aware that author responses aren't guaranteed. if, however, you're struggling with simply reading them as you said, then it's probably better to turn them off.

I also think it would be courteous to go back and add a generic note to the fic thanking everyone who left feedback, and explaining that you didn't anticipate how overwhelming it would be, so while you're grateful for the response, you've decided to turn off comments for now until you're in a better headspace to deal with them. imo you don't owe anyone more of an explanation than that. technically you don't really owe anyone any explanation at all, but since they did take the time to leave feedback, it's probably a nice gesture to make.

lastly, I know this is the epitome of all "easier said than done" pieces of advice, but if you can, I think it really helps to have a mindset of always writing for your own enjoyment first and foremost. and so if other people also happen to like what you've written, that's awesome! and if they don't like it, that's also fine, because at the end of the day you didn't write it for them; you wrote it for yourself. or, if you're mostly writing for yourself but are also looking for constructive feedback so that you can keep improving your game, you can adopt a Bruce Lee-style mindset of "accept what is useful, reject what is useless", and apply that to your feedback. if you agree with what someone said, you hold onto that and apply it to your writing in the future. and if you don't agree, then fuck whatever they said, and you just keep on doing things whichever way you like.

writing is subjective; no story, no matter how well-written, is ever going to appeal to every single person out there universally. and so at the end of the day the most important thing is that you're satisfied with it. which as I said is unfortunately much easier said than done lol. but it's still a good attitude to try and strive for I think, even if you can't get it 100%. it's helped me a lot at the very least.

anyway so that's it. hopefully something in these rambling paragraphs is at least a little helpful to you. take care, and thanks for the ask!

[cha-melodius]

2021 Fic Year in Review

This is based partly off a year-in-review post I did last year and another one that floated across my dash recently. Feel free you grab it if you want to do your own review!

AO3 Username: chamel  My Page: Link Fandoms: The Man from UNCLE (movie), Loki/MCU, The Mandalorian Total Number Of Completed Works/Word Count This Year: 16 works, 247k words Of All Time: 51 works, 653k words

Most Popular One Shot (by kudos): (Does the first work in a series count as a one-shot? What if you intended it to be a one-shot and then accidentally wrote a series around it? I counted it like that last year, but idk, lol.) This Year & All Time: What Makes A Good Man (Loki, Loki/Mobius, T, 8.5k words)

Most Popular Completed Multi-Chapter (by kudos): This Year: Another First Kiss (TMFU, Illya/Napoleon, M, 11k words) Of All Time: Do You Promise Not to Tell? (The Mandalorian, Cara/Din, E, 87.7k words)

More reflections and such below the cut!

Looking Back, Did You Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected? Hmmm, I don’t know that I had expectations going into the year, really. I guess less, though, because I wrote less than I did in 2020 even though it FELT like I wrote a lot.

What’s Your Own Favorite Story Of The Year? Said it before, I’ll say it again (and again): Love is a Losing Game. I feel like it has the best narrative arc and is the most fully realized work of fiction I’ve ever done. I just love it so so much.

Do You Have Any Writing Goals For The New Year? Write more? 😅 Idk actually, maybe try to produce more one-shots and fics under 15k words. I do enjoy writing the long fics but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by them.

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year? I guess jumping into a new fandom counts. It’s always a bit nerve wracking to hit post in a new fandom, especially one in which there is a lot of content being produced (at the time, at least). But I’ve been overwhelmed by the positive response to my stories!

Story Of Mine Most Under-Appreciated By The Universe, In My Opinion Probably Enough of a Natural Disaster for Me. I don’t know why that had a lackluster performance. Also I have been surprised that You, or Your Memory hasn’t found a lot of traction.

Most Fun Story To Write The Makings of a Perfect Christmastime (writing a screwball comedy is too much fun), followed closely by Here It Goes Again (because I love time loops)

Biggest Disappointment Honestly, it’s been a bit sad that the Lokius fandom started SO strong and faded SO fast. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the people who are still active are AMAZING, and I am so so grateful for the response to the Good Man series and how engaged everyone is, but for a fandom who was in tumblr’s top ten, the hits and kudos numbers have definitely fallen off dramatically from where we started.

Biggest Surprise That said, the response to What Makes A Good Man when I published it was overwhelming in the best way, and the sheer number of people who are still into my crazy AU was unexpected by amazing. Thank you to all of you who are still reading along and letting me know your theories and yelling at me for angsty chapters. You make it all worth it!

Coming Soon/Planned

Sequel to You Must Be A Christmas Tree (Napollya)

Probation AU for my MTH winners (Lokius)

Chess Olympiad sequel to Love is a Losing Game (Napollya)

GBBO AU (Lokius)

Art thief-restorer/gallery owner AU (Napollya)

ISS AU (Napollya)

Westworld AU (Lokius)

Void time loop (Lokius

5+1 of Illya getting hot and bothered over Napoleon

Post-UNCLE reunion fic (Napollya)

[otterskin]

I didn't like the LOKI show, no matter how hard I try, and it's messing with me.

My mother died at the end of December. A lot of other bad things happened as well, like the severe brain injury of my father.

I didn't cry. There was so much to do. I did it. And even then, when there was nothing left to do, I didn't cry.

I found distractions.

Today I went to see the Green Knight after a tough week at a new job that had me leave my father in another province even though he still needs help. I was trying to get back to the life I'd dropped.

I loved the Green Knight. The Arthurian Legends are as dear to me as Norse Mythology, and my copy of them had the Green Knight on the cover. The film was truly excellent, evoking the feel of the story whole still doing something unique and very A24. I cried at one point, like I did when watching the first THOR, because of how much it meant to see something I'd loved since the very first years of my existence finally make it to the big screen and be...right. It's own thing, it's own artistic product, but right.

Then I opened a tab in a browser and saw I had some messages on a website I comment on. It was just some minor criticism of the LOKI show I'd posted beneath an article and how it handled certain things.

I was downvoted. Berated. Hated. Lumped in the ad hominem twitter users who attacked the director and writer (I'd never, ever!) Told I was biphobic because I wanted to see more of a queer lens (I even addressed how difficult it is for bi people in queer cinema and society in general in my criticisms of the romance, but even that wasn't good enough - just disliking it was 'bad'.) I was told I just wanted my 'fanfic' made (I never made any laundrylist of plot points I demanded). I was accused of being a begrudged shipper (ha! If anything I'm an anti-shipper). I was told that I should love the show, it was awesome, and I was bad for not thinking so.

And I started to cry.

I don't cry. Only at movies. Not at real life. I didn't cry at my grandparents's funerals, I didn't cry when I was left with the body of my mother in the hospital room and my brother cried on my shoulder. I didn't cry when working through my dad's severe new disabilities as I realized how much he had lost. I didn't cry while realizing how messy my parents' finances were. I didn't cry when my mother's friends called me in the middle of the night and cried into the phone. I didn't cry when saying goodbye to my dog and going back to a rundown apartment with a terrible smell so I could go to work in a dark room for hours at a time.

But now I'm crying and writing this.

I've realized why. During everything, I looked forward to the LOKI show. The first THOR is deeply nostalgic to me and I watched it often in my first year of Uni when I was away from home. It tied in thematically to what I was going for. Thor 2 came out before I went on exchange, and while I disliked it overall, talking about it was a welcome distraction from my anxieties. Thor 3 was nerve-wracking, but it also came out during my first major job which I was struggling with, and I saw it so many times in theatres...it was such a huge comfort.

Looking forward to LOKI wasn't just a distraction. It was like a promise. A promise that I'd make it till then and see it and maybe it'd give me some comfort.

That's on me. That's a personal thing. It's an unreasonable expectation.

But I needed it, all the same.

Then it came out.

I tried. I really tried to like it, to forgive it, but the problems are things I've criticized for too long in so many other things. I always try to be respectful about, I never go ad hominem and attack the creators, only critique their work and I always mentioned what I liked but...

I didn't like it.

I have no urge to rewatch it.

And the Green Knight...the Green Knight was everything I wanted and needed it to be. It didn't let me down, though I've been anticipating it about as long as the LOKI show. They're very different, obviously, but in my heart they share the same compartment.

And after a very trying day...I realized how badly I needed to rewatch a Loki show I liked. But I can't even enjoy THOR or Thor:Ragnarok anymore. It's like everything I did like has been poisoned.

This thing that got me through immense pain is causing me pain. I don't want to be toxic. I'm sure it's in me. I try so hard not to wallow in disappointment, but to not even be allowed to talk about my problems without being lumped in with abusive online monsters...

I can't do it. I just can't.

This is supposed to be an escape, not another trial.

I needed the LOKI show to be good, so I could come out of the dark into the light, or at least walk through the night with a lantern ahead of me. And instead it was just more darkness, and it's not even entirely its own fault. It's the online discourse. It's the uncalled for harassment of Herron and Waldron. It's the taunting jabs at people who didn't have a good time as if we're all jerks. It's having people roll their eyes when you point out things that made you uncomfortable in the story, it's feeling slightly gaslit when you find something gross that the story intended to be gross and then being told it's not gross, actually.

I'm sorry. I don't want to cause pain. I just...

I needed it to be good. And unlike Thor 3, which delivered me respite in a dark time...it let me down. Worse, it's hurt me.

I said I don't cry, only at the movies. Something about them lets me cry in a way nothing else does. I can't cry at a funeral, but I can cry in a movie theatre at the drop of a hat. It's a release valve, a way for me to process things.

I think I was waiting for LOKI to give me permission to cry. To give me something that could release this pain in me. And instead, it just gave me more.

I never should have given it that power. I didn't want to. But I had to, to get through this.

I'm putting away the few THOR pieces of tat I have. I feel foolish. I always knew it was a capitalist piece of art, chucked from creator to creator with no creative shepherd, which in itself was stressful.

The fandom is no sanctuary for me either, since I'm primarily interested in the family dynamics and I'm sick of 'Odin is an ABUSIVE MONSTER' stories or even unrelated fics and posts just dropping in hate for him that's not at all canon but seems to be very popular to the point where people think it is. Especially since I often read these stories when I need to think of home and my father. Or, most pleasantly of all, when I get called an abuser or abuser-enabler because I say I like Odin as a character. I also can't really bear to deal with anything to do with Sylvie, whom I had high hopes for as someone who wants more female tricksters, but instead I got this...this Mary Sue that's very hard to criticize without being yelled at. I swear I'm coming at her writing as a feminist and I don't hate anyone, I don't, I just...sigh. She's just personally frustrating to me and not being able to discuss it without being called names sucks.

Not to mention I'm asexual, and I always struggle with romance in media being pushed as the 'ultimate relationship more important than any other'. Part of the reason I liked THOR so much was that romance was not the main feature of THOR and definitely not THOR 3 (while my disliked Dark World was all about it, and so is LOKI). And when I criticize the romance, I get called a prude (guilty, I guess), a troll, or, my favourite, just 'a hater'.

I don't want to hate. Who wants that poison in their veins? I'm here because the Thor series HELPED me because I LOVED it. And now I look at the things I used to love and I...don't, anymore.

So much is asked of me right now. I can't willingly invite this painful thing to sit on my chest as well, especially since the world is already shoving it into my face without my doing anything, in ads, in news, in everything.

I suppose that's why I've leaned even more into Odin lately. He was untouched by the LOKI series (though not the Simpson special, which worries me). He's a trickster, he's queer, he's nuanced, he's 'misunderstood' (that old cliche, but he's misunderstood and misrepresented by the people always yelling about how this or that character is misunderstood, which amuses me, except when it gets to me), and he's in many ways free to make my own.

I still have some stuff I'm going to publish that's practically finished. Finnesang has a lot more written for it but needs some major sit-down time for re-writes and edits. Lokabrenna is practically done, just needs tweaks and Beta. I'll be here a little longer.

But I think I'm going to have to step back for now and put my passions into other things.

I will be back. After all, after Thor 2 came Thor 3. Maybe Love and Thunder will right the ship and Thor can still be awesome, and maybe eventually a creative I love will come to work on the franchise. Really, that's the key for me - I loved Branagh before THOR, and loved Waititi before Thor, and disliked Waldron's work (though I gave him every benefit of the doubt and hoped and prayed to be wrong - sadly, it was what I expected.)

But...if LOKI season 2 is more of this, more romantic tropes I hate and Loki being an afterthought in his own show and his family being devalued for new characters...I can't do it. I can't watch something I used to love just throw that all away for something I dislike.

My tears are finally drying. I wrote a lot of this while the screen was blurry, so I hope there's no grammar or typo too embarrasing. I'm not sure I have the strength to re-read it. Sorry for the rant. It helped me feel better.

Thank you all. I hope I feel differently someday.

[unioncolours]

A 2nd Majsasaurus Year!

Today, 22nd of September 2021, it’s been two years since I officially joined the magical world of fandom. 22.9.2019 I uploaded the first chapter to my fic Shadows and Sand, and the rest is history.

I did a deep dive into my first year as a fic writer and active member of fandom last year, when it was my first anniversary. You can read it here!

In that meta discussion about my membership of fandom, I presented it as if walking on clouds. I was so, so happy and talked during all the discussion about my happiness in fandom.

Since that post was written, my life and also my perception of the fandom I am part of has changed. Change isn’t always bad, as I really had a honeymoon phase with fandom over a year ago, and the low after hit hard.

But let’s see what I’ve been up to and what I’ve been writing! The following year provided much change and fun things! Please keep reading 💜⬇

The first fic I wrote since 22.9.2020 was a Sakura x Ino fic. I had for a longer while been interested in writing a woman-loves-woman ship, which I had never done before, and as a wlw-person myself the urge to explore that part led to Promise me this is just a kiss. The pairing itself was chosen on rather random, it had to be two women and I like Ino, so I chose the most popular Ino-wlw ship for this for convenience.

I really liked writing the fic and it was well-received! It was the first time I had written a fic that was entirely centred around exploring feelings and having sex.

After this I jumped directly onto the next idea that had been boiling inside me for a longer while. Up to this point, all I had written, except the wlw-fic, had been set in the Naruto canonverse and I was itching to try to work with a multi-chaptered modern au! The pairing was of course my beloved Shikadai x Inojin.

It was during the creation of this fic I began to struggle. This was a new genre, as this was romance only and all my other works had been action and fantasy based, except the sex fic of course. I was maybe over critical and stressed, which resulted in me having a hard time writing it. But I made it. Was the sky always this beautiful? ended up being 35k long, and in hindsight, I freaking love, love, love how it turned out in the end and what it represented. I am very proud of this fic.

I “upgraded” as a fan by the end of October when I bought myself a digital drawing tablet. I began drawing fanart of Shikadai and Inojin and preferably them two together, haha! I still draw a few days a month and find it extremely fun as a side hobby beside the writing.

We are now in November 2020. By this time, I had completely finished my zine fic, Under the Scorching Sun, which I had written during September and October, for the Shikatema zine I was kindly accepted to. I was proud of what I had created and was eager for the rest of the contributors to wrap up theirs, so we’d have a wonderful zine for sale in 2021. It was lovely to write ShikaTema again. As the zine fic was about to be released in months from when I had at first finished it, I wanted of course to write something fans and friends could immediately take part of on the internet. I had hyped myself up to a state where I wanted to write a third and final story in my series To love and never let go, my epic series about Shikadai and Inojin.

Now, I should maybe have waited another month, but I was worried the readers would give up on me if I didn’t write it right away. In December, I began writing To find hope in the Universe, with my usual speed and love for the art.

What I by then didn’t realise or even recognise was that I was very slowly turning burned out. I ignored all the signs.

In December I wrote simultaneously as Hope in the Universe a fic that was part of the Shikatema server’s Secret Santa event. The fic’s name was The Ghost Stories of our Hearts, and it was ShikaTema, as the event’s name suggests. It was fun to write and despite the final big fic, Hope in the Universe, pressing down on me, I finished The Ghost Stories of our Hearts and was very happy with the result. Sadly, at this point the burnout began taking control over me, and I never managed to reply to the comments.

The 15th of January, I began uploading To find hope in the Universe. It was a lovely experience, even if it was tainted by negative feelings coming from my decreasing happiness and the fact that it didn’t do as well as To dance above the Stars, the second fic in the series. To deal with two very contradiction emotions, loving my work, the characters, how I have painted an entire world around the characters and how I knew some people honestly loved my hard work, and then the negative feelings coming from not feeling good enough and depressed, was a difficult thing to navigate and still is when I think back to that time. It didn’t help that during the process of uploading the fic I went through grief, and I chose distraction as my coping method. I kept writing and working, the only thing I ever knew.

Our pre-order of the Shikatema zine was in full motion by this time and it was a nerve-wracking time! Mostly because of excitement but also worry. I’m super happy for my friends who were part of the zine, with whom I could share all the excitement and nervousness with. The zine ended up making good sales, which made me happy among the uploading of the long fic.

To find hope in the Universe was completed 31st of March 2021. When I uploaded the final chapter, I felt nothing. It was so weird, so spooky, to have finished a long fic and a series on top of that and not feel anything. But deep down, beneath the layer of depression, I felt great pride.

That was the emotion that broke free once the burnout left me. Pride.

I had created this empire of Shikajin, a whole alternative timeline, an alternative canon from my own head and to this day, that is my internet legacy. I love Trial of the Heart, which I wrote in 2020, but if I have to choose between ToH and this series, I will choose To love and never let go in a heartbeat.

So, even if it felt depressing and hopeless in the moment, I look now back with pride and happiness. Never forget that. Never forget that I made that.

April was a curious time. I swore to not write anything, because I had by now recognised that I was burned out and needed to rest, yet managed to scrape together three smaller fics.

The first one was another wlw-smut fic, TemaSaku this time called Another Light. I wanted to explore that part once again. I wrote it in canonverse and honestly think the fic ended up extremely nice. Perfect amount of feels and sex. It didn’t feel hard to write at all, because the setting, characters and emotions were so different from the fics I had written the last five months.

Now more interesting things lay on the horizon! A new zine, the Ino-Shika-Cho zine called Beyond a Bond had an interest check during the spring, and later the contributor application. I urged in the interest check to please give us the next gen kids, Shikadai, Inojin and Chocho – my kids and babies, and when it turned out they were going to feature, I had to apply as a writer. For this application I wrote a one shot, called It’s just hair, and I loved this spunky little story featuring the best babies that I created.

I also edited one of my tumblr fics, And then I kissed him, into a longer, better version that I later in May uploaded onto AO3. It was once again a Shikajin, a sequel of Trial of the Heart, and it was a fun little project.

Now May came and I sent in the application for the zine early, which I now am relieved I did. I am happy that I did the work for the application in April instead of May, because in May I had a few breakdowns and another grieving period, which lead to complete creative paralysis. I didn’t write a single word during May, only uploaded the two one shots I had prepared in April.

What I did do in May was to read through the Shikatema zine I had contributed to! It arrived in the mail! I was so nervous; my whole body was shaking when I opened the package right outside the post office. The zine now resides on the parade place in my little zine shrine in the bookshelf. Thank you to the mods who made this a reality!

To my great happiness my zine adventures continued as I was accepted to the Ino-Shika-Cho zine as a writer and was assigned to write my favourite characters. I felt so relieved and overjoyed, mind blown by the sheer talent among the contributors.

On the other fandom front, June didn’t continue any brighter, with stress and mental pain still having a strong grip around me, despite the very happy news that I am still so grateful for. I wrote a Yamanaka family fic which to this day hasn’t seen the light of AO3, because of negative emotions surrounding it. I turned into a complete wreck compared to me in June 2020. In June 2020 I was flourishing, I loved what I did, I loved fandom and I loved the friends I had made through Discord servers. Now I could find myself crying my eyes out over a wip not going the way I wished it would. What had happened to Bex 2021?

I was so incredibly frustrated with myself, groaning in defeat when my hands just couldn’t write. I managed to push through 6k of what I called my “emo au” – more of that later – and finish the Yamanaka fic which is still buried, and on top of that I had the zine and another fandom event, The Naruto Photo Album, to create content for. Why couldn’t I do it? Why couldn’t I find happiness in something that once was my reason for happiness?

In the end, I managed to write 15k in June. My former monthly word count used to be 30k. One could think this would turn into the end of my fic writing career, or the beginning of a longer hiatus, but I am stubborn and want to meet the expectations of the people who love my content, so I didn’t want to give up. I wanted to try. I wanted to be whoever I was before.

Funnily enough, the healing came in the shape of the most self-indulgent fic I have ever, ever written, a fic I like possessed began writing July the 1st 2021. It was nothing less than a freaking fairy tale AU, namely a Shikadai x Inojin Peter Pan AU. I can hear you laugh at the silliness of it, but this whimsical AU gave me back my love for writing. I hyper-fixated on this story quite a bit and stopped writing on everything else, something I almost never do.

Only happy boys fly ended up being 21 000 words long! I knew it was a niched story, and true to my guesses, the story has to this day very low stats. Today, two months after it was published, it has just above 100 hits and 10 kudos, so for all I know, only ten people read and liked it. I try to not care too much, since I love the story and in some way, that story saved me from going batshit insane over my emotions about writing.

At this point I had begun writing my fic from the Ino-Shika-Cho zine, finding joy in silly scenes with my favourite characters and trying to heal. The writing process was frustratingly slow, but one word at a time I got forward and as of today, the draft is done. The pre-orders are in December. At the side of the zine fic I wrote a short fluffy Shikajin story, CLEAR, a story with almost no plot, because I knew how much self-indulgence could help me.

And then, I finally began writing for real on my emo au, A gang of fallen stars, which has the first few chapters up right now! I have for the first time in six months a longer fic (if we don’t count the Peter Pan story) and it feels… good. This fic is once again a modern au, but in darker tones than my other modern au from November 2020. I honestly like what I have so far, even if I during June and July almost planned to never finish it. I am so relieved I managed to begin the upload. In September the Photo Album was released and I could show my two fics I wrote for it.

It sounds like this year has been nothing but misery, and at times it felt like it. However, there are a few fandom friends who brought light to my life when I couldn’t see it. The first ones to mention are of course my partners in crime, @notquitejiraiya and @thespookymoth. Together we created a server dedicated to Ino-Shika-Cho during the spring and it has been tons of fun with the members there! Thank you two for listening to me and for being my friends during 2021.

I also have to mention Soverel, who carefully begun taking contact through comments and likes on my twitter, and later through direct messages, and it has been a fun ride ever since. We’ve had lovely discussions which are very dear to me and your support means a lot to me. Thank you for being you and for drawing so many wonderful artworks you’ve shared with me. Haha, and for making me play Genshin Impact, even though I do it like twice a month!

Another person who has made my days so much brighter is @sugarriene. Thank you for sending me that one dm that made us chat regularly, thank you for popping up and sharing panels and your wonderful drawings with me, and for vibing head canons with me. You are a lovely person, and you make me happy.

Finally, I want to give a shout out to @yoboseyokyu for listening to me when I had to yell into the void and for making me happy with your cute posts on both twitter and tumblr.

Since September 2020, I’ve written around 195 000 words and drawn close to 35 illustrations, most of them of Shikadai and Inojin. Almost 200 000 words of Majsasaurus. I’ve created a Discord server and I’ve been part of two zines as a writer, plus a free PDF-project.

It has been a wild year. A year filled with passion for my favourite characters and ship, with the excitement that came with being part of projects and hyping them. It was a year where I learned to draw digitally, and heck what fun it was.

This also a year where I learned people can be mean to me because of what I ship and that fandom friends won’t necessarily always stay to be your friend anymore and how much it can hurt. I also learned what my limits are, and what punishment I get if I don’t listen to my own mind and rest when I have to.

It was a year, guys.

Now, onto the third Majsasaurus Year. Cheers!

And those of you, who supported me when I needed it – thank you and I love you.

[eemolu]

2020 Creator Wrap: Favourite Works

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

i wasn’t tagged in this but i’m trying this thing where i support and love myself? and this feels like a good way to start???? idk don’t ask anyWAYS

1-3 are all from my jiliad, but let us first do since that’s where i put the most energy and hit the most milestones so i’ll be giving myself 3 chapters of that as my faves

1. chapter 15: this was the first chapter where i really leaned into the L&J fluff and really started moving the plot forward- it’s also the one where i hit 100,000 WORDS??? still can’t believe that & am forever freaked out about it

2. chapter 16: a big one for me because it featured the L&J sex talk that was so important yet so nerve wracking for me to put in. i so often see fics move right from the love confession into a sex scene, which is perfectly fine if that’s what the author wants. but i was thinking about how when i started this fic i was 17 yrs old, and so i wanted to show a couple talking seriously and awkwardly about consent and readiness and being open and honest about previous sexual partners. i worked really hard and i’m proud of what we got out of it. also there’s some sweet valentine’s wolfstar moments that i like too <3

3. chapter 19: it’s the latest one so it’s also very near and dear to my heart. i got to write to the tune of garden song which i am convinced led to the wolfstar moment that made it into the chapter. which i am also very proud of! it was a big moment for me to write and it’s not perfect which is why i’m so very proud of it, because it made me feel things regardless of its technical merits so that’s all that matters

4. something about this kid (irondad oneshot): 

this fic... it was a birthday present for my dearest rachel (@writethroughthenight) and it took me SO LONG because it fully got away from me but i’ve always loved spiderman and i’ve also always had beef with marvel so i’m super psyched with how it came out. i forced one of my irl friends (alias brenda) to comment and she went above and beyond the string of emojis i expected to leave me seriously one of the nicest comments so that also gave this fic a special place in my heart

5. jukebox heroes ;) (julie & the phantoms oneshot):

i haven’t written for a super active fandom since i stopped writing for the 100 and i forgot how lovely and welcoming they can be. i had such a great experience writing my first jatp fic that i stayed up all night writing this one (and its a texting au which... i love to write SO much). the fandom didn’t disappoint, and so not only am i proud of the fic but i’m also happy that i got to engage with and meet so many new creators:) plus i made some good jokes so read for a good time

that’s it that’s five. i’m just gonna tag anyone who’s like me and doesn’t have someone to tag them in this- if you created anything at all in the past year or even if you haven’t, you deserve to celebrate yourself (i also rly want @datingdonovan to do this with their text posts dont b a coward) 

love u bye

[shadowofthelamp]

Fandom Trades: Tips and Tricks

I’ve been running a secret santa for five years now, and a few people expressed interest in a sort of ‘guide’. It does take some elbow grease to get things up and running, but it’s very rewarding and gets easier as you go. Click the ‘read more’ for some stuff I’ve picked up over the years! It’s a bit general to try and cover anything, but if you have any questions, you can ask! (And if you’ve run one yourself, feel free to add on!)

FAQ: Something that’s a really good idea to have. Here’s the most important stuff on it that would probably be applicable to most trades:

-Basic summary of what the trade will be- some could be fic-only or art-only, or even specific-ship-only. Mine’s general to ‘all sonic sfw content’, but setting guidelines so people know what they’re getting into is a good idea so you won’t have to answer the same question over and over.

-Deadlines. Make them clear. Mine’s easy (Christmas Eve) but depending on what size the gift is expected to be, the time frame can be adjusted. 

-Related, set up rules for if people need to drop out. It happens, so be prepared. (This is why I ask now if people are alright giving a second gift.)

-Any particular rules for your trade- is it sfw or is nsfw acceptable? (In that case, set age limits.) Are there ships that will or won’t be allowed? Is there a punishment for violating the rules or turning things in late, like not being allowed to participate in the trade again?

PROMOTION:

A promo image is a good idea! I’ve been using the same one for a few years that was put together by a friend no longer on tumblr, but images catch people’s eyes faster than a text dump. Make something that’s easy to understand but gets the point across, and the text below should have enough information without overwhelming the casual scroller. 

Space paragraphs often to make it less intimidating. Include links to the FAQ, the sample entry, and the submit box right in the post, as well as a way to contact you- you want things to be as easy as possible for anyone interested. Here’s my promo post.

You also want to start promotion early- I start posting and reblogging my promo a full month before the entry deadline, to give as many people the chance to see it as possible. Any earlier, and they might not care- (who wants to see a Christmas trade post in October when you’re hyped for Halloween?) and any later and you might not get as many participants as you could have. A month-ish is a good time frame. (I also have a tag for the promo post, so people can blacklist it if they aren’t interested and don’t want to see it 15 times.)

SAMPLE ENTRIES:

Also something that’s good to have. Having a template for what you want entries to look like will make sorting easier for you. Here’s mine. It’s a good idea to scout around for other trades to find out what would work for you.

MAKING ASSIGNMENTS:

Next, setting up how to arrange who gets assigned to who. I personally use google spreadsheets. These are the categories I use, feel free to steal them: Username, medium (art, writing, amvs, ect), whether they’ll work with fan characters, what they’d like to receive, what they won’t do (one year I even added ‘if there’s anyone you won’t work with’ so if it’s a fandom with drama, that one might be good), who they’re gifting to, who they’re receiving from, if they’ve submitted their piece yet, if their piece is in the queue, and if they’re alright with doing backup.

I also had a category for if they’ve confirmed they’re still in once assignments were sent out. (Boy, was that one nerve-wracking during the whole tumblr purge debacle of last year- I didn’t know if anybody had just quit tumblr mid-month.)

You will run into people who only want two or three things nobody else wrote on their sheet. If you can’t find even one match, then just put them with someone who had a wide variety on theirs, or who doesn’t have anything on their ‘won’t do’ list. Trying to match with multiple likes is a better bet, though, so encouraging longer lists of what people want makes things easier for you in the long run!

I personally just went in a line- I picked one person, found who they would give a gift to, and then found who THAT person would give a gift to. Rinse and repeat down the list, and it’ll end with everyone paired. I ended up making a closed loop and then sorting the last 8 or so, which was fine. An easy way to check that you didn’t double-classify anyone is control-f and searching names. If their name pops up 3 times, you did it right.

SENDING OUT ASSIGNMENTS:

Just copy-pasting the part of the entry that includes the person’s name and their likes makes this way easier for you over trying to type them out individually. Ask for confirmation that people got their assignments so you don’t have to worry if they missed it.

HOW TO KEEP THINGS ORGANIZED:

My system is this: I’ve mentioned it before, but I utilize a combination of my spreadsheet and the queue function. Let’s say Sally’s making a gift for Jake, Jake’s making a gift for Taylor, and Taylor’s making a gift for Sally. Sally submits her piece of art for Jake. I mark that off on the sheet, so when Taylor submits the gift for Sally, that gift will go in the queue to be posted whenever the deadline is up because she turned hers in already.

This keeps people motivated to complete their parts of the trade, since they won’t get their gifts until they do. If someone drops out, tell the person making the gift for them- if you’re lucky, they can rework what they have for the person that the drop-out was supposed to make something for, but if not, bring in someone who didn’t mind making a second gift. Person making the gift for the dropout can choose if they want to continue making it or not- if it’s mostly done and not a fan-character, they can just post it on their own blog unrelated to the trade. 

It’s also a good idea to have a ‘hub’ where things are posted. If it’s a fic trade, ao3 has a function specifically for this, but I’ve found having things submitted directly to you makes it a million times easier to keep track of who’s finished their pieces, as well as keeping things ‘secret’ until the big day. (People have gotten confused or excited and posted early before.)

If people want to post elsewhere after it’s posted on the main hub, set your own rules- I say it’s fine as long as it links back to the blog and links the giftee, particularly if it involves fancharacters. You make your own judgement.  

BE PATIENT:

This is one that’s very important. Some people don’t check the FAQ, and some people are going to be new, asking questions that you swear you’ve answered before or thought would be obvious. They generally just want to know, so take a deep breath. They don’t know they’re the fifth person to ask that question. Answer politely, or steer them towards the FAQ. (Running the same event year after year, you run into this a lot- they’re just new, be nice!)

Don’t start an event that you expect to have plenty of people participating if you aren’t prepared to hear the same questions a couple of times. Things might get a little annoying- take a step back for a few minutes, cool off, but try to remain professional. You signed up for this. For me, it’s always worth it to see how happy people are about their gifts, but know yourself and your limits- running a themed week where people post art at their own pace is less hassle, so you could try that if you don’t feel up to organizing a full trade! 

If you can have a friend to bounce things off of, that can help too, but don’t use them as just a dumping ground. Tumblr allows multiple ‘mods’ on a blogs, so splitting work can make things easier, particularly if it’s your first run doing something like this. I had a friend who helped me the first few years before leaving tumblr. Be sure you trust the person, though! They’ll be able to edit posts and delete submissions, so if any drama happens, beware. (This never happened to me, but it doesn’t hurt to be careful.)

TAGGING:

Add tags to the submission box. I don’t know why this took me four years to think of, but it saved me a lot of time last year. If it’s a trade that covers an entire fandom and dozens of ships, you can add the shipping tags as they come in, but adding the ten or so most popular character tags helps a lot. If it’s going to involve potentially triggering content, common trigger tags are a good idea too. (A Halloween trade might need this, for example, or one that involves nsfw content.)

PEOPLE TURNING THINGS IN LAST MINUTE:

It’s going to happen. I think one year I was panicking on the 23rd because I only had half the gifts, and all but one had been turned in by the time I went to bed on the 24th. People procrastinate- if you get in most of the gifts ahead of time, you can thank your lucky stars. Try not to stress over it, but feel free to post reminders in the week before/days leading up to the deadline. My family travels around the holidays a lot, and I managed to get everything queued up properly through airport and hotel wifi more than one year, so you’ll be just fine if you try and stay calm.

OTHER/GENERAL:

It’s absolutely worth it, in my opinion- I’ve been doing this for years for a reason. My favorite thing is knowing I’ve done something that made others happy. Going through all the excited responses Christmas morning is equal or above getting presents from my family, because I know it’s on some level because of me facilitating the trade in the first place. I hear over and over this is something people look forward to, and it genuinely warms my heart. 

It might take a few years to get established, but if you find a niche (there was a blog called sonic secret santa, but it hadn’t been updated in years) you might be surprised how fast you can gather people! I like seeing people show up year after year, it’s how I know I’m doing something right.

It is definitely work, and there is stress involved, (especially if people drop out or don’t send in their gifts on time) but the benefits outweigh the negatives, I say. People are generally understanding if there’s a problem, as long as you make it known you’re working on it.

You have to commit to the responsibility if you do this- people who are making gifts are putting their trust in you that you’ll keep things organized and they’ll get something for the gift they’re giving. You can’t guarantee everything will run exactly as planned, but you can be as transparent as possible when you hit a bump- ‘I’m sorry, but your person said they’ll be late because they were having internet problems/personal life issues and is doing their best’ is going to get a lot better of a response than radio silence. Be sympathetic, but be firm on the rules if need be.

I hope this helped a bit, and thanks for reading!

[charmingpplincardigans]

Writer Tag Game

Tagged by @sullymygoodname! 

Author Name: momebie

Fandoms you write for: Many. My most current fandoms are The Umbrella Academy and Good Omens, but I wrote a metric ton of The Raven Cycle fic and that will probably happen again come November. 

Where You Post: momebie @ AO3

Most Popular Oneshot: Hello, I haven’t checked the numbers on any of my The Raven Cycle fic in a couple years, but apparently This Isn’t A Heist (aka, the one where Ronan and Adam are fake dating to annoy Declan and then real dating obvs) has 1,900 more kudos than the next runner up. So I am astounded to say it’s that one. 

Most popular multi chapter story: Without Having to Say, a The Raven Cycle Ronan/Adam college AU where Adam is a sculptor and Ronan agrees to model for a sculpture of Satan. I’m actually really fond of this one because I love both Adam’s sculptural style (I modeled his work after Claire Morgan’s) and some of my descriptions. As is typical for my TRC fic Adam is trying very hard to be understood and going about it in a difficult way. I love him.

Favourite story you wrote: I think it’s the weird TRC/BoysGirls fusion I wrote called Not a Dreamer, The Dream. Ronan/Adam, Blue/Gansey. They’re all myths and archetypes living in a strange and (I hope) beautiful world where love comes with magic and from it. I was trying to work in Katie Farris’s style, because I think it’s startling and achy and lovely and I’d love to write that way on my own. I wrote it for a friend who still hasn’t read it. I live in hope that one day she actually might. 

Story you were nervous to post: I was really nervous to post Oddities Observed, Vietnam 1968 (The Umbrella Academy, Klaus/Dave) for several reasons. The first was that the Vietnam War was a very real tragedy that still affects lots of people, most importantly the people who live there. And I know it’s a common trope in American cinema and pop culture now that always signals back to things that have very little to do with the people whose homes and land were being ravaged. I didn’t want to make light of that or hurt anyone by writing this dumb fic, which is why I shied away from showing actual combat and let it live in the stolen moments. The second was that it was my first TUA fic and posting in a new fandom is always nerve wracking. The third was that we don’t know anything about Dave! I had to make it all up and what if people hated the way I wrote him!? Luckily, if anyone did they didn’t tell me. 

How do you pick your titles: Usually it’s a lyric from a song I glom on to while I’m writing it. (What’s Done in the Dark was almost called With the Stars Pressing Down From Above OR It Matters But Little Babe before I settled on the Johnny Cash lyric, so you know, it’s mercurial until I post it.) Sometimes it’s a call back to a line I particularly enjoyed writing or another piece of art. 

Do you outline: I have started outlining in the last year or so, especially with the longer ones, but that’s because I’ve started outlining my original work more as well so that’s just becoming the Way I Work. Anything less than 6k or so is probably still just a brain dump, though. 

How many of your stories are complete? Everything posted is complete. Well, I still meant to add a fourth story to the collection of The Raven Cycle mermaid AU stories, but the stories posted are complete in and of themselves. 

In progress: I want to finish writing this follow up to What’s Done in the Dark that’s about that week Crowley and Aziraphale spend in bed together that I glossed over in that one. (Er, no actual human sex though, it’s mainly about Aziraphale and control and what happens when he can see the effect he has on things immediately. He’s used to the long game, you know? Manipulating the love in the world is all well and good until your adversary/best friend/most beloved becomes a glow worm.) I also want to finish this pre-series Klaus & Ben Best Brothers fic I started ages ago. I should do that before season 2 drops, huh?

Coming soon: The only thing getting to anyone soon is this poem I’m late on for the anthology. (So not soon enough, clearly.) Then I have artwork, and chapbooks to compile, and editorial work that I owe others. Then maybe I can think about just dicking around with fic again.

Do you accept prompts: Yes! Feel free to leave me a prompt about whatever whenever. Just know that the odds of it being written are literally 50/50 depending on my mood and what’s happening in my life at the time and that there’s a long list of prompts just chilling in my inbox going back LITERAL YEARS that haven’t been answered. But hey, maybe like Lisa you just know how to make me do what you want? Won’t know until you try! 

Upcoming story you’re excited about: I JUST WANT THE WORLD TO BE QUIET SO I CAN BE LEFT ALONE TO WRITE THIS, MY SECOND STORY ABOUT HOW BEAUTIFUL CROWLEY IS WHEN AZIRAPHALE’S LOVE TOUCHES HIM. JUST LET ME PINE AND ACHE WITH THESE CELESTIAL DUMMIES WHOM I LOVE. THANKS. 

Oh, and also this prompt @z-bot gave me requesting Crowley and Aziraphale in my original cyberpunk universe (AMLD). I am thinking gleefully about that every moment I can. 

I tag: @fourteenacross, @melayneseahawk, @farahandthemachine, @interropunct, and @anachronistique, and also anyone else who wants to talk about your fic! Tag me! I want to know! 

[eulerami]

I hope this isn't too out of line of me, but I would really like to tell you that I adore your writing. I've only read Bite the Bullet but I love the way you show people interacting with each other and the environment around them. I really, really adore it so far, and it makes me sad to see you say your writing sucks when it's so good! I understand how it feels, but I wanted to let you know that I think you have some really amazing writing to share and I hope you can see that too! 🌻

Awww man, I appreciate you taking the time to say this.

This is kind of a rant with no direction, but I’ve been debating saying something for a few weeks now anyway. I just feel like I should put this out there someplace.

It’s just been harder than expected for me. I went from a fandom where there were so many toxic people over the course of like, four or five years, just waiting in the woodwork at every turn for me to have even a smidgen of doubt. I had to defend my ass at every freaking turn, for who-the-fuck knows what, (misplaced passion?) pfft.

Folk really get off on you showing any kind of insecurity, seriously. It got to the point where they so greatly outnumbered the genuinely nice fans that I’ve just got this gut reaction for nothing less than perfection, with a hard-ass mentality to go with it, all the time. To the point where I still feel guilty doing doodles or more carefree things. (Like it’s corrupting the source material, somehow. Integrity, and all that.) I have to grit my teeth and post it anyway. I still find myself taking shit down.

In that pursuit I’ve sunk all my energy into improving my art and making comics. So, when I came back to writing, I’m finding it extremely hard to get the creativity flowing because it’s so nerve wracking. I’m inspired, frustratingly so, but it won’t come out. My hands just, nope, they freeze and I end up procrastinating.

I’m used to every detail, word, etc, being so intensely scrutinized, analyzed, or ridiculed with underhanded commentary or shitty attempts at “humor,” from “friends,” that it’s just. Ugh. Literally every fucking post, at one point. Anons. Messages. Whatever. I turned anon off, but then I got in my head, no…maybe it’s constructive, this is what being a professional is.

I grew up with people constantly putting me down and I fought through that to get where I am, so this is just more of the same thing, right? It’s not progress if there’s no opposition, right? People are always going to act like they give a damn but in reality they just can’t wait to watch you fuck up, right? It’s okay so long as you’re aware they’re like that at all times, right? Fuckin Autism-brain.

Boy was that fucking stupid, don’t do that to yourself. 

You improve too, years worth. Learn to paint. Learn to render. Learn typefacing, paneling, cinematography. Sink 12 hours at a time at the computer, learning everything you can with a burning passion. I have 400GB of space dedicated to PSD files. You emerge at the other end, overjoyed, ecstatic really, that you can make this with your own hands. You’re finally impressed with how it turned out–it looks amazing.

…Only for people to say, “I liked your older stuff better uwu. Dunno why, it was just fun.” Thanks! Fuck you!

When I was learning Zbrush, for example, the shitty comments were just, unreal. Like I’m learning, motherfuckers, let’s see you do fucking better. I was trying to learn how to sculpt the delicate ethnic nuances of different people, mostly indigenous people because I am really passionate about other cultures and making characters embody these features and histories.

It’s very important to me. Monolids here, broad cheekbones there–how often do you see 3D models on Artstation that aren’t 20-something white people? “Beautiful,” too, decked out to the nines with western-ideal supermodel builds and faces. I was trying to do something else. To make believable people.

Trying to find a new way to make Afro-Asiatic curly hair with Maya or Zbrush, without $10,000 in tools, etc. 

I get shitty, borderline fucking racist comments left and right, disguised as humor, that are so blatant I’m wondering if I’m the one making my shit look like caricatures to make people say this shit to begin with, and if I’m being more insulting than appreciative. It was stressful.

But you can’t flip the fuck out on these people, unless you want to be brought up to the fucking gallows and put on blast. When you’ve got a passion project you’ve spent 4 years on hanging in the balance, on your public image, and you’ve been “cancelled” already in the past, it’s a lot of pressure. It wasn’t worth it.

I’m a little bummed out my writing isn’t what it used to be. I used to be one hell of a writer in college, crank out pages at a time, but that’s what I get for focusing on comics so long. RP instilled bad habits too.

Recently with this fic, even though it was just meant to be fun, I’ve already had some folks saying ehhhhh stuff. It’s got me down, not gonna lie. I think I’m done trying to keep a tough face about it. It’s made it hard to write my third chapter. I’m stumbling through a couple hundred words at a time, if that.

The comments just keep coming back to me, in my head, every time I go to write.

I’m glad to hear you liked it though. It’s not my best, but I am enjoying the story. The feeling behind it, anyway, no matter how clunky, OOC, grammatically incorrect, repetitive, or whatever the delivery is.

It’s just, damnit man, lol—can’t the damn thing be out for 5 minutes before the critiques roll in? I can’t catch a break. Maybe I’m overly sensitive, but I’m so fucking frustrated. But, yeah. Thanks again for taking the time to say something, it’s nice to hear and kicks me in the ass a little to keep my chin up.

It’s just tough to do when it’s been so freaking long of just nonstop BS, and even when I’ve been away from it for over a year now, it’s still left some pretty bad habits and unhealthy work-ethic regarding art and writing.

I can hammer out art like you wouldn’t believe, in a professional manner, but damn did it come at the price of my own joy and creativity. I’m trying to get that back. It is coming back, slowly, in the form of a kinda roughly written fic. I know that as I write it more, it’ll get better, until I’m back where I was. Hopefully.

[abovethemists]

Do you have any tips for someone writing their first fanfic? I'm partially confident in my writing skills, but it's the fact that I'm surrounded by amazing writers who dish out beautiful fics that makes me a bit insecure. I love these two characters to death, but it's just you know...putting it all out there for the first time. This might be strange idk. :c

Oh man. It took me years to get up the confidence to post fic. I’d written tons of Harry Potter fic that I never posted anywhere because I was just way too intimidated. Rumbelle was a unique thing because despite being a pretty large fandom back in like 2014 or whenever I started posting fic, it was really supportive and wonderful. Like there were huge names already in the fandom but everyone was just nice and cool and so different from BNF in a fandom like HP which was kind of awful (and way bigger). The Rumbelle fandom has always been (in my experience) really great about welcoming new blood too. I remember making a post that was like “hi I’ve never posted any fic before but I wrote this thing and I was considering maybe posting it” and I got so many positive comments encouraging me to post it that I went ahead and did it. And it was the best decision ever because I made so many friends in this fandom that I probably never would have interacted with if I hadn’t written fic. 

I definitely think the hardest part is putting it all out there for the first time. It’s nerve wracking! It’s still nerve wracking. I mean I’ve been writing fic regularly for 5 years and I’m absolutely terrified to try writing in a new fandom despite dying to write Jaime and Brienne fic. But I can promise you that whatever you write, someone is going to read it and love it. There’s so many people all looking for something new to love on and every new voice is unique. Everyone here loves the characters like you do. They’re dying for new content and someone will eat it up. And not everyone will love your fic. I know there are people who hate my writing and that’s totally fine. Because there’s other people who like it and it makes them happy and that’s the best thing about writing for a fandom, getting those messages that are like “I was having a really crappy day and your update made it a little bit better”. 

So for practical advice? I’d say try not to compare yourself to other writers. There are so many amazing writers in this fandom who I can only hope to be half as good as. If I compared myself to them I’d never post anything. Instead I try to measure my own progress. Are there things I can improve on and how, rather than try to emulate anyone else. Also, notes. I have posted things that I thought were masterpieces that get a handful of notes and then I’ll post a ficlet that I wrote while half asleep at 2 AM and it’ll get 120 notes and I’ll never know why. Notes are not necessarily indicative of quality, it’s just what happened to resonate with people at that specific moment. And finally, write what you want to write. Prompts are wonderful and fun but don’t feel like you have to write something just because people want to read it. I love likes and comments just as much as the next writer, but at the end of the day I write stories because I want to know what happens in them and they make me happy. My favorite story I’ve written is one of my least liked/reviewed. 

This was a lot of rambling nonsense. I’ve had 2 glasses of wine. But I hope it helps! Please write! The more fic the better!

[spnfanficpond]

March 2019 Pond LiveChat Recap

We had a great time chatting today with @bamby0304! Thank you so much, Amber, for joining us!!

We talked about Planners (writers who outline and plan out their stories) vs. Pantsers (writers who fly by the seat of their pants), and had some great questions and answers from everyone who joined! A rundown of the chat, as well as the usual general Pond news, is below the cut.

Michelle: I love attending writing panels at comic cons, and at one, the presenter said there are two kinds of writers, and that each type has their strong points. Planners have tighter storylines, but pansters tend to have stronger characters because they start with the characters and the story writes itself. (This is a broad generalization, so there are always exceptions to this rule.) As a pantser, it made me feel better about my writing, because I felt like CRAP because I can't outline for shit. Before hearing this, I thought, “My writing is crap and it’s always gonna be crap because I don’t outline and plan,” even though readers told me they liked my writing. Hearing that how I write is a valid process and there are successful writers like me really helped me to embrace it and feel better. We can always learn from each other, though, which is why we’re here!

Amber: I do find that sometimes diving in head first, with no thought, can result in a more interesting story. While most of my fics are planned, I do sometimes just get an idea and run with it. Having an outline can be a little restricting at times...

Q: Amber, how do you keep track of all your work in progress?

Amber: I have a doc that lists all my past, present and future fics which is very detailed. Everything is color-coded and alphabetized!

Q: For the pantsers, how do you end a story? I started writing my story as a series of one-shots that accidentally connected, and now I have a 15-chapter story that needs an ending....

Michelle: When I write, I always have an end goal in mind, like a road trip. I know where I want to go, but not necessarily which roads I’ll take to get there. Only once did I not do that, and it was just crack, with me just trying to stuff a lot of ridiculous crack into it, and it doesn’t have much of an ending, really. My advice for where you are, though, would be to sit down, close your eyes, and put yourself in every character's shoes. Think about how they feel about what's been happening, and disregard all of the other characters. Think about what they want and what they might do next. When you find the characters with the most interesting motivations and potential actions, there's the rest of your story.

Q: Amber, are you a planner in other aspects of your life, too?

Amber: I'm a planner with everything. My dad has a saying that's been drilled into me since birth: Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it. He also says: Better safe than sorry. So I guess I've just always felt the need to be organised and prepared. I'm at least half an hour early to everything. My books and DVDs are in alphabetical order, my wardrobe is colour coordinated... I'm all about organisation

Q: Michelle, do you find that your end goal gets lost in the middle? Like, if you don’t plan the small stuff, do you take a left turn instead of right and end up losing your original plan?

Michelle: Oddly enough, I don’t. There have been times when the story made a left turn, and after a short while, I got blocked. Every time I get blocked, it's a sign I made a wrong turn. If I go back to the turn and start fresh, it always works out. In my recent NaNoWriMo fic, I was on day 3, and suddenly, I lost all urge to write it. Nothing was coming to me. It was all crap. I went back, threw out almost an entire day's worth of writing, and then forged ahead. It was nerve-wracking, because it put me behind on my daily word count for the month, but it worked.

Q: Amber, did you learn how to outline from someone, or are you self-taught?

Amber: At first I was a full time pantser. I was a shipper who just wanted Elena and Damon together, and I didn't care how they got there. Now, though, I think about pretty much every step I take... well, almost every step I take.

Q: Are your outlines in complete sentences or just points you want to make in each chapter?

Amber: Depends on the story. With Wolves just had dot points for chapters, but The Hart has a full doc of details. I would jot a few words down for With Wolves, because I also try to stick to a word count for each chapter so sometimes the idea would spread into multiple chapters

Q: Is sticking to a word count per chapter a thing that you do for yourself for pacing, or for your readers so they don't have long chapters?

Amber: Mostly for pacing. Most of my reader insert fics are 1.5k-2.5k words long. Except Her Saviours... that's 3.5-5k long. I like things to be uniform.

Q: I can't get past 1k would outlining help with that?

Amber: Outlining could help, sure. But you need ideas to outline, first.

Q: Do you have a writing schedule that you stick to, where it's your priority for that time to write, or do you just write when you can?

Amber: I started uni this week, so now it's more of a do-it-when-you-can kinda thing... but I like to write in the evenings. I make a cup of tea and sit myself down, and make myself write. Often I don't wanna... but I have a posting schedule to keep up with, so I don't have much of a choice.... I also put on SPN when writing that fandom. I specifically stick to the season that might go along with the plot of that fic. I can't write in silence.

Michelle: I can't write if there's anything AT ALL happening anywhere in the world that I might find remotely interesting. Silence, no music, no TV, nothing good on my dash, it's terrible. Literally, anything is more interesting than writing for me, until I get going.

Q: Do your stories ever break from your outline?

Amber: All the time! For instance, in Her Saviours (sorry about name dropping my fics, but I just like using examples) Sam is misbehaving big time. He keeps on doing things I don't want him to do, which moves the plot along faster that I'd like.

Q: How do you even start an outlining process?

Amber: it might be a slight OCD thing... because I'm organised with everything... but a lot of my planning is motivated by the fact that if I don't plan I'll lose interest in my stories and give up. 

Followup Q: I want to try, but you made it sound a bit overwhelming.

Amber: It's really not overwhelming. You get the idea for a story and then you want to write... so jot that idea down. Then jot down other ideas that go with it. Set up a timeline. Dean wants pie Dean goes to get pie Dean meets girl at bakery They laugh, have fun He buys her pie Turns out it's magical pie that people get addicted to Dean has to decide whether he ganks witch (pie girl) or not. Just write simple stuff like that.

Q: Do Pantsers lose motivation easily?

Michelle: Sometimes. If I don’t know what I want to write next, it’s really easy to get distracted and not write. I need a writing schedule that I stick to. I used to have one, but I've filled it up with being tired from having a life.

@manawhaat: Yes and no. if I lose the motivation, it's because the story isn't there or i'm not having the right thoughts to help that story along. Like if I generally know what the fuck is going on in a story, I'm probably not writing it because I already know it. It's the ones that are a mystery or Mr. Toads Wild Ride that I end up writing bc I'm actively motivated to figure it out.

Q: Do you have a posting schedule? And if you do lose motivation, does that affect said schedule?

Michelle: I do not have a schedule. I have an order in my head of what I want to write next, but unless it's for a challenge, no due date to write it by.

Mana: I have never had a posting schedule because I am not the schedule type person and will 100% abort from the plan and not stick to it at all. Even signing up for challenges, I'm wary of time frames because I'm more likely to drop out if I can't figure my shit out within that time. I'd rather drop out of a challenge than pump out something that isn't really what I want to write or doesn't tell the story I need to tell.

Amber: I pace myself with posting. I give fics certain days (like today is Spanner in the Works day) and I post them weekly on said day. I choose the days by title most of the time... I like alliteration, so Spanner in the Works is posted on Sunday S + S.

Q: Are you really a pantser, or a planner in denial? Do you just not realize somethings you do are baby steps into becoming a full time planner?

Michelle: When it comes to writing, I've tried to plan, and I just can't. If I plan too thoroughly, then I feel like I've already written the story, and I lose motivation to write it out. But I'm more of a planner in life. I have a calendar and a routine that I follow, simply because there are days when I'm not cognitively aware enough to make actual decisions. If everything is muscle memory, I can run on auto pilot and not crash. To use the road trip analogy, when I go on an actual road trip, I figure out the route and all the bathroom breaks ahead of time. Completely different than when I’m writing.

Tips gleaned from writers at writing panels at comic cons:

As you're writing, keep an "outline" of your chapters with only a sentence or two describing each chapter. This helps you if you need to go back and reference something later, and helps you see the overall story arc.

Naming characters - Try to avoid naming characters with the same first initial. A reader's eyes will sometimes only hit the first letter of a name, so keeping track of character names helps. Write the alphabet on a piece of paper, and write down every name as you go along.

If you're stuck, or feel like your story is meandering, try to picture in your mind what the movie trailer for your story would look like. What makes this movie more interesting than similar movies? What is driving your story?

If you've got a good flow going, and then it suddenly dries up, go back to when you last felt confident, and move on from there. Something you did since then wasn't right, and you'll see it when you start again.

Thanks to everyone who was there! It was a great chat!

General Pond Updates and Reminders

Angel Fish Award nominations are accepted all month long! No need to wait to tell us how much you liked a fellow Fish’s work!  If you have sent in a nomination, but have not received a private message confirming we received it, we didn’t get it. Be sure to use Submit instead of Ask!

Don’t forget to submit your stories to be posted to the blog! When your stories are on the blog, then they are easier to nominate for Angel Fish Awards!

SPNFanFicPond Season 14 Weekly Episode Writing Challenge - New prompts go up after every new episode, and there’s no deadline! Check out the prompts and rules at the link!

Say hi to February’s New Members!

Check the Pond CALENDAR to see when Big Fish will be in the chat room and other Pond and SPN events are happening! Know of something that’s not on the calendar, send us an ask or submission with the deets info details!  The calendar offers a lot of features, such as showing you when things are in your own timezone! Since we’re an international group, that’s a definite plus!!

In April, we’re going to chat with one of our Big Fish, @deanscarlett about writing in English when it’s not your first language! Hope to see you there!

[golden-redhead]

So I've been writing for a while and I want to post one of the fics I've written but I'm really scared. Do you have any advice?

I would love to help but I think it all depends on the reason why you are scared. Are you afraid of judgement? Lack of response? Did you write something that is seen as unpopular or even controversive in your fandom and are worried someone may react negatively to it? It’s important to establish what it is that makes you so scared.

I think it may help to show it to one or two people first. You can try to find a beta and talk with them about what makes you worried about publishing it, if it’s because of something specific in your fic then a beta reader could help you fix it (if you feel like it needs fixing) and tell you how it looks like from the reader’s perspective. It helps to have someone like that and I owe my beta my life.

If you’re asking me what you should do, though, then I think all I can say is… go for it! If you want to publish it then publish it! You can always delete it if you change your mind ;) I know it’s nerve-wracking, I am always nervous when I’m about to publish something new, even after all that time. Every fic I write is my baby and I may have mixed feelings regarding some of my fics but it’s still something I spent a lot of time on and I want it to be good and I want some validation for it. It’s normal, it’s human. Don’t let fear stop you, though. And if you’re worried about the readers’ reactions… There’s always someone who will love what you wrote. Your writing is a gift to the fandom and trust me, there’ll always be someone happy to see it. 

Good luck!